Dear Families,

My oldest son called me this week for some parenting advice. It seems that his son, who is two, has developed what my son is calling the “Two Book Paradox.” Each night at bedtime, my grandson requests, “two books.”

They go to the bookshelf and my son will ask, “Do you want to read this one?” No matter which book is presented to him, my grandson sweetly replies, “No, not that one.” My son, at his wit’s end, exclaimed, “Mom! It wouldn’t matter if I offered him every book in the Harvard library, he’s going to say, ‘No, not that one.’ But if I put him to bed without the books, or with books I picked out for him, he screams so loud it rattles the windows! It’s making me crazy, what can I do?” Hence the paradox. The two books that he wants do not, in fact, exist.

Though my grandson says that he wants two books, what he means is, “I am not even a little bit interested in going to bed. I’m going to keep asking for books until you drop this whole bedtime thing and let me keep playing.”

It made me so happy to hear that his little two-year-old is giving him a run for his money, just like my son used to do to me. And it reminded me that these are the situations when we learn that there is a difference between caring for a child and parenting a child. Simply caring for infants/toddlers/children takes one set of skills, parenting takes another. And nothing makes us quite so crazy as the irrationality of a two or three-year-old toddler.

They want what they want, but getting them what they want is often an impossible task–mostly because they don’t actually know what they want. I offered my son some suggestions for how to change up the bedtime routine, and then politely asked, “Would it be helpful if I sent you a few resources on what’s normal for two-year-olds?” To my surprise, he said yes.

I was reminded that most people, myself included (back when I was raising toddlers), don’t know what they are doing when it comes to parenting. I too found myself wondering, “How in the heck do I tackle this?” when my boys were little. I often felt isolated and alone, and my youngest (who had many challenges) was the only child I knew with his unique set of needs. Most of the time I felt like I was stumbling around in the dark, just trying to get through the day, while shoveling Oreo cookies into my mouth to cope with the stress! (In case you are wondering, yes, they helped!)

That’s why I am grateful that each month we will be sharing a variety of parenting resources. Not only are we offering resources you can read and explore at your convenience, but you have someone you can call when you are having difficulty and/or need some advice. Your child’s service coordinator has a wealth of knowledge about child development and is willing to partner with you on this journey.

We believe that we are all lifelong learners. Your kids are going to throw you curveballs at all stages of life, but being willing to seek out or ask for help, and learn how to manage those situations is the true mark of success in parenting–whether you are parenting your own child or children, a grandchild, niece or nephew, a foster child, or any child for whom you are a trusted adult. I hope that you find tools that you can use, and please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need something more specific–we are here to help. Email us at askearlylearning@nwresd.org if you have questions, ideas or concerns.

Read the October Caregiver Connection newsletter. 

Respectfully,

Stacy Rager
Executive Director of Early Learning